Back to Cherishing

It's been a long time since I wrote, and my gosh so many things have happened, a lot of them not good, which makes it easy to forget to be thankful and yet when I reflect there are blessings in each difficult situation. Well lets start with Charles. He got sick mentally and left. I have spoken to him a few times from hospital and I wish him well. I realize that what we had was something so special. Not only to he come to my home under strange circumstances, he contributed to the enrichment of my life and my son's. He faced me with who I really was and as much as I fought him on it, he loved me anyways. He showed my son what a man should to his family. He put my son first and my son loved and loves him. It's been difficult without him and yet the last 5 months with him was very difficult.

Busy Weekend

Weekends-----days of rest----not sure about that Well, the weekend starts with a drama, which, why get into it. Today was so busy, we have been buying a Christmas Tree, selling Christmas Trees, decorating a Christmas Tree. Now finally relaxing. I guess, a busy day leads you to be thankful for getting a chance to sit down. At the same time, it is a little overwhelming but feels productive. I am very thankful that I was able to get all of my packed boxes out of the livingroom, it feels a little more normal at home now. I am thankful that I have one more day to get my work done. As well, I am thankful especially now for this soft couch and the i ibuprofen which will soon reduce the inflammation in my joints. Tomorrow is church, and practice for the Church Pageant.

Cherishing the Busy Days

Wow, last night was an amazingly relaxing evening with Charles, we watched movies and just enjoyed each others company... I am just so thankful for this man in my life. He is strong and sometimes a brute and maybe even a pain in the ass, but he is loved. I have heard God brings people into your life for a purpose... I believe it. I really do. Charles, loves to complain and often complains about my messy ways.... My mother would to be laughing... I think in some other life, they must have known each other. I am in fact pretty sure that they compared notes. I am so stubborn about it and yet... I love the level of cleanliness my house is in and the organization of my life. You see, although we argue... I know that there is nothing that Charles won't do for me... or Aiden. Aiden senses it too. He loves Charles. I watch them together and I am amazed that Aiden has been so welcoming of Charles in his life. I think that I have realized in the last few days that nobody will ever be as perfect as I want them to be... but if they can accept me...love me and my son then we can be an amazingly strong team. Charles is that person who I know will never leave... in fact funny enough he refuses too... lol.. I love him for that. He will not ever let me walk out on myself... and he holds Aiden to a standard that will make him the exemplary man I know he can be. Today has been so busy, Aiden came this am from his dad's just on time to leave for Big Bunch a group though Big Brother's and Sisters. Then home Just on time to to a birthday. I had to go take a Money Mart loan, but I am thankful that Money Mart has such a service, even if it is costly. When I arrived to pick Aiden up he was running and playing and getting along with all of the other little boys. I couldn't help but remember a time where I was afraid to take him out worried about what other people would think of his behavior. I am grateful that those days are behind us but I cringe when I think about how I worried and was so focused on fixing our problems, and yet truly focused on hiding it. Funny, I could careless what people think now, however, I still have to remind myself. I am thankful, for my gradual gain in confidence and hope that it serves as an example to Aiden. So much has changed, we have so many family supports. We have found many supports in the Eastminister Church. I wonder is the Minister, Sarah knew how special it was that she remembered Aiden after only our second visit to the church. It was amazing. Aiden had drawn a picture of the church and put it in the offering plate, my first instinct was to stop him, but I stopped myself. I felt like it was his way of giving something; I as well felt that I needed to stop worrying, I mean what was the harm. I was touched that Sarah identified him. It was sweet. I am thankful that I did a little painting today and that I laid in bed with Aiden a little tonight and did some meditational back rubbing. I can't believe how big he has gotten, how smart, sweet and funny. I am thankful, thatI have this time to write... I really do feel like this is helpful and enlightening and I am grateful for the chance to be on the journey.

Thankful Thursday

Well today, I called my friend, Chris and found out that My friend's kidney transplant is successful, however, she has the flu. Up until now she has been dependent on her courage, family support and a very large dialysis machine in her bedroom. Julie, has been grateful to that machine, however, it has been a hindrance. It has waken her and he husband up most nights due to malfunction and regardless of this I am thankful for it's existence. The machine is now being kicked to the curb. The Machine caused plumbing to be required in their bedroom, the door had to be off the closet and the closet has had to be filled with supplies. Chris told me that the bedroom is getting back to normal. When Julie comes home she will sleep or what ever ;) in a quiet room with her husband.... with doors on the closet...no nightly hook ups and morning detachments. Not only this but someone.... a live donor gave her their kidney. So selfless and what an amazing gesture. She/He gave a piece of themselves to give life to another person. Not only did she/he give life to another person, they gave life to a family, and the friends of the family. To the Donor: Whoever you are, wherever you are....YOU ARE AMAZING. You are selfless and so many people are sooo grateful. I am so grateful for your gracious gift because Julie has been a friend that I have had endless coffee's with, been through endless crisis' with... mine and hers, and had endless laughs with. Julie laugh and smile have always been electric. I am sure yours is too... there are no words to express how thankful I am to you. God Bless! Tara

Still cherishing

hard day... nice day with the little one... soooo grateful for my little boy

The beginning of cherishing...

Starting today .... I can promise you that you know as little about this blog as I. Tonight, I came home stressed and lacking as a person. My little one was difficult and to get him to settle I laid with him and he snuggled up... My heart melted and my anger melted away. I got up and watched "The Heart of Christmas." It made me think.... think about how easy I have had it and how many miracles I have and have had in my life. How may examples I have had of courage, faith and strength and how far away I have gotten from them all. I have been neglectful of friends and family ad let the dramas of my own life get in the way without ever to much as letting people know the influence and impact they have had in my life in so many positive ways. This has to change, I have to end this and extend my apologize to all I have not been there for, in the way they have been there for me. There are so many things I am sorry for and would change if I could.. I cannot go back but I will aim to change them. A week or two ago I went to a potluck at the Eastminister Church in Toronto. It had such an impact on me. We all ate together and chatted. Many people I have never met before. It was so enlightening to be there with people who where not interested in my economic status,or appearance. People who, remembered and used your name from the first moment you met them... I am going to have to work on this. I watched Aiden play in the gymnasium and I played with him. He never wanted it to end. He wasn't even interested in playing; he wanted one thing.... to play basketball with his Mommy. He just wanted my time and attention, which saddens me as a I realize he has had much less of that than he deserves. What a gift to realize it. I decided last weekend to give up all of my obligations and take off with my family to St. Thomas Ontario. Aiden was so pleased that Charles( my better and much more domesticated half) was going. He never complained the whole trip. We got there and had a visit with my Grandma and my Nana. Two women for whom I owe a lot of my sense of family to. My only regret is that I did not make it to London, as i had planned to make two surprise visits. I was also able to meet up with some friends who I had not seen in quite a while, Beth, Darrel and the kidlets. I was so greatful and uplifted by these visits and although, I was exhausted going home, I felt a real sense of appreciation and relief. The next day I attended Church which has surprisingly become a regular part of my week and something Aiden and I do together each week. Mu point is I believe that this year has been a new start to cherishing the moments, however, now it is my mission to attend to my life, my friends and my family. Today I was on Craigs list and a woman who is recently widowed and has been given a lot of food advertised that she would like to give the excess frozen food to a family in need and another who had lost there job but was looking to provide the fixings for a family meal for Christmas... Wow... what can you say but wow... I am on a mission, money is tight Christmas is coming....Santa has taken care of Aiden and I am going to aim to write about each person who has meant something to my life and as well plan to spend time with them on some level over the holiday... I am not a mushy person... no not at all but I have been so fortunate... Today I am Thankful that Aiden is healthy and that he has a great (not necessarily always appropriate) vocabulary. I am grateful that Julie's Kidney transplant was successful and that My friend Kelly is finally a Mommy although I think she always was but now she gets to be a Mommy at home.